it seems like i've come to enjoy blogging lately.. i guess it's because i'm able to pen down my thoughts knowing that there'll be no one to judge...

So, in secondary school, all i had was sailing. I never took part in anything else nor did i care about anything else because my goal was just to do exceptionally well for O levels. So, I felt empty inside.. because I had nothing to do but study unlike Kim who had to juggle CCA, academics and international competitions. When i see how motivated and focused kim was despite her busy schedule, she became my role model and she helped me realise something - I can accomplish anything if i set my mind to it and still have outstanding academic results with proper time management - and that's how i started my SH1 life.

I signed up for rock climbing(now to PA), council, SISC, Maldives, yet... i feel nothing but emptiness again. I could understand why i felt empty in the past, when all I had was sailing and acads. But now? I have everything I could have ever asked for.. but why's this emptiness still lingering in my heart? This gaping hole which i want to fill so bad. Is this the reason why i get into relationships so impulsively just to fill my emotional void?

Initially, I loved getting to meet so many new people... climbing, council, maldives, SISC, class, OG. But over time... I had to choose between my friends cos of duty or any other reason. and choosing sucks. So i found out that i don't really belong anywhere after while cos people have already built strong friendships when i ditched them. You see, I don't belong to the maldives clique who are very closely knitted now, nor do i fit into climbing cos i recently quit, nor my OG since we've drifted apart significantly, nor SISC cos i barely know them, nor council cos of my "too cool for you" vibe or so i've heard, nor my class cos i always chose maldives over them. But as soon as i realised that i was floating in the middle of nowhere with weak connections everywhere, i realised i needed friends i was close to. people i could rely on, somewhere where i could be happy and enjoy. So, i started making an effort to spend more time connecting with my class and all's good so far (: thank goodness ((:


However, as usual, the nostalgic piece of me would always miss Isaac. Not seeing him so often in school these few weeks does not help rest my case at all. I'm only left wondering about where he could be and what he could be doing, and hoping it's not gambling again. Then i found out from my OG mate that there are 2 other girls who like him so far.. I was jealous because they had the opportunity to get to know and interact with him... but not me.... Then i start regretting all the things i've done in maldives... what i could've done and shouldn't have done...

All i can say now is... now he's just somebody that i used to know... it hurts.

On the other hand.. it seems like im hanging out more and more with eugene and michael ((: awesome people they are (: but.. some part of me would always wonder again... isaac and i could've been this close...

I've sacrificed a friendship... because of my impulsiveness and i'm truly regretting it so much that it's haunting me... so i really hope that alan doesn't make the same mistake as me!!!!!!

anyway anyway... I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET KIM ON WEDNESDAY FOR SOME SERIOUS EMOTIONAL DETOX SESSION <3